Tibbers 'N" Konks Help The Homeless (A.K.A. Konks Speaks!!!!!)

It's finally here! A new T'n'K, and another on the way! As always, click on it to see it in a new window, and click on it again to zoom in!

a LIVE ACTION FARTOON!!! or "YO! Jfrom Raps!"

Well here it is. I do hope you enjoy it. It is Jasons Character= JFrom, rapping to the beat.

PLEASE TURN IT UP!!! AND HIT THE SWITCHES!!!! BITCHES!!!

A New Day

Recently, and to my great satisfaction, this blog has turned into a hotbed of juvenile creativity! With the recent addition of 2 new comic strips, and a third in the works for December, there is now a total of 4 here at the Jer-King. Just to recap, they are(in order of appearance):

• "Tibbers and Konks" by Gabe and Jerkemy (new episodes are currently in production)
• "The Fartoons" by B. Matt Kubinski of The Question?
• "The Jer-King" by Jason of Friends of Jason Farbman
• "Farbman v. Kubinski: Apocalypticus" by Jerkemy and Christygurrrl

This may call for an awards post in a few months, possibly called "The Strippy's", where the readers can vote on favorite series and episodes.

Sneak Preview or Trying Desperately to Fit In

The Fartoons Issue#2

Well there goes a day of my life that i will never get back. Coloring them takes the most time.

Sorry Jerkemy, I mean "coUloUring" them...

Ummm. I didnt mean this to turn out so mean spirited. It was supposed to be funny, me being egotistical and all. So let me qualify this comic by saying that Jerkemy and JFrom are two of my best friends, and have been since we were little.

But i like to blow them up iin the funny pages.

Onto the strip....,.

Keeping up with the Joneses

Alright, everyone seems to have their own comic. Jerkemy and Gabe get to write about their fun adventures being best friends, and BM gets to write about shoving his wiener in all our faces. So here is my contribution:

The Fartoons

Well i figgured that since I am the resident comics expert that I should contribute a comic strip of my own. IN COLOR! or as they say where Jerkemy lives "IN COULOUR". or some shit.

My creation is called "The Fartoons" and stars all three of the main contributers to this blog as they would look if they were famous cartoons.

Enough Jibba-Jabba. On with the show...

At the Movies

In a world where the rules of society force them to hide their true selves, two men come together and stand up for what they believe. Hypothetically.

Jerkemy's review-

I saw "If I was a racist murderer" last night on a dare, and let me tell you something - I'm glad I did. This movie might just be the year's sleeper hit at the Oscar's. Kramer from T.V.'s Seinfeld stars as Michael Richards, a washed up comic who has been pigeonholed as a character he played on a sitcom 10 years ago. After accidentally letting loose a tirade of horrifying racial slurs on a couple of African American audience members, he finds himself in the national doghouse. He is forced to apologize on a late night talk show via satelite from his bathroom in a moment that is both awkward and hilarious. Meanwhile from his home in Warm Butterfalls, Arkansas, O.J. Simpson, a man who is not responsible for the murder of his wife although he had a well thought out plan to do so, sees the apology on his t.v. and decides to help Richards out. The two meet up in Los Angeles, and set out on a cross country trip campaigning to show how they are just a couple of ordinary guys who may or may not have made some racial and murderous mistakes. Along the way they meet a Chinese car mechanic played by George W. Bush. Richards playfully nicknames him Squinty and the mechanic joins them on their travels. The late Marge Schott plays Big Donna, a straight shooting, shoot-from-the-hip truck stop waitress who's not afraid to tell it like it is and call 'em how she sees 'em. Donna and Squinty fall instantly in love, infuriating O. J. who is also in love with Squinty. As the two lovers are walking to their truck stop hotel room one night , O.J. stabs them both with a carrot, sparking Michael Richards to call him "One crazy" racial slur. Lets just say that from there things get a little out of hand for these two numb sculls!!

This laugh-a-minute comedy really made me laugh. The acting is mediocrity at its best, and the story has a beginning and an ending. You'll never believe how fast the credits roll either! Good luck trying to read who the assistant key grip was!

Did You Know?

George Washington actually looked ridiculous wearing his wooden teeth.

"Passing B.M."

I was thinking the other day that this world is so crazy and big. I feel so lonely sometimes, out here in the middle of Argentina, separated from my friends and family on this blog. But it helps to think we're all looking out at the same sky each night, maybe even wishing on the same bright star.

And this, suckers, marks my third post. If the Jerk King will now place me in sole possession of second place...

Team Jer-King Stats and Standings

Not long ago, I decided to add a few co-contributors to The Jer-King. It seemed like a good way to keep the blog fresh, and my plan was to eventually give all the regular readers and commentors the option to be contributors as well. That way we would all be able to post on the main page, in theory making the blog more fun to read.
First I asked Jason, who had made me a contributor to his blog, Friends of Jason Farbman. Then I asked B. Matt Kubinski of The Question? who accepted grudgingly after days of harassment. And finally I asked Christygurrrl of the Boyd's. She basically slept her way in to the position.

Here are the post totals so far:

1. Jerkemy .................................................................... 22
2. B. Matt Kubinksi ............................................................ 2
3. Jason ......................................................................... 2
4. Christygurrrl ................................................................. 0

Total Posts ......................................................................26

As you see can see, my dream of a community blog has not yet and may never be realized. In hindsight I guess it was a terrible idea. Why should people post to this blog when they all have or could have their own. Gabe and Shani, you guys were next in line to be annoyed by my pleas to be contributors, but you may have dodged that bullet!

Questions of Faith

Have you ever wondered whether the Pearly Gates will be opened for you when your time comes? Well recently the Vatican released a questionnaire that will give you an idea in advance of what your chances are of getting in. I've managed to obtain a copy of it to share with everyone!

1) If you had to choose, which one of these would you be most willing to do?
a) Slaughter a goat in the name of a Pagan God.
b) Volunteer at a downtown soup kitchen
c) Sleep with your neighbor's spouse.

2) Given the opportunity, what celebrity alive or dead would you most like to meet? (Jesus is considered a celebrity in biblical terms)

3) If you heard someone yell "Allah Akbar!!!" at the mall, what do you think might happen next? Whom would you throw stones at until the mall-police arrived?


4) Would you say that you're closer to your local parishioner or the pedaphiles in your neighborhood?


5) If someone told you that you were going to be the first person to walk on Mars, and were crippled in an auto accident the next day, how would you attempt to capitalize on the tragedy:
a) Write a tell-all book
b) Pen an afterschool special about the dangers of hubris
c) Set up on the corner of 1st and Pike with a blanket over your legs and a tin can for collecting change
d) set up a non-profit charity in your name and host a slew of creepy telethons

6) Which do you pray for more?
a) A fire to destroy a local orphanage
b) A meteor to destroy the Middle East
c) The release of all convicted rapists and murderers.

7) Every time a car alarm goes off, an angel gets beheaded at the hands of a demon. Every time a cell phone rings, a _______________ gets ______________ by a _______________.

8) When you first wake up in the morning, how heavy is the load that you bear? Make sure to include in your answer specifics about the frequency of your load, the color, and how often you can achieve the "no-wipe."

9) If a republican and a democrat make gay whoopie, which one is more likely to go to hell?

10) On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being not at all and 10 being peeing-in-your-pants excited, how much are you looking forward to the second coming of our savior?

11) When was the last time you called your mother to tell her you love her?

12) Are you right or left handed?

13) On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being no big deal and 10 being an abomination, where would you rate physically pleasuring yourself?

14) What is your ethnic background?

15) Who paints the stars in the sky each night?

16) If there was a comet headed for earth, and every person in the world hugged each other simultaneously, would the love created be strong enough to stop the comet in its tracks?


Bonus Question:
A train moving at 45 m.p.h. meets and is passed by a train moving at
36 m.p.h. A passenger on the first train is holding a stop watch and
notes that the second train takess 6 seconds to pass him. How long is the
second train which was timed?

"It's Always Sunny On Base"

Setting: An Army base in London

External: The on-base bar, Beers

Internal: Quick shots of off-duty officers drinking at the bar, playing slot machines, playing pool. Camera comes to rest on a bar worker sitting on the floor behind the bar, scribbling on a napkin.

Jason: [Thinking] I've got so many words to use. Look at how smart I am. I believe I could conquer the world in my sleep.

The bar manager, a muscular and handsome man of the same age as Jason, wearing a goose-down vest and an earrings in the little part of his ear, walks up to Jason. Unnoticed, he stands there looking down at his employee in disgust.

Jerkemy: Jason, I think it's about time you learned something about humility. [Shouting] Hey everybody! Is anyone wondering who has the biggest penis in the room?

Voice in Crowd: [Off-camera] Fag!

Camera switched to in front of the bar, straight at Jerkemy's reaction.

Jerkemy: WHO SAID THAT?!?

Voice in Crowd: [Off-camera] Your momma!

Jason: [Off-camera, from behind the bar and still at Jerkemy's feet] I love your mother and I wish she would return my feelings in a jar labeled "lost love."

Jerkemy: What the fuck does that mean? [Grabs Jason and hauls him up] No more writing poems when you should be cleaning and stocking!

Jason: But-

Jerkemy: But nothing! Go! [Kicks Jason in the ass gruffly] And I don't care how long it takes, I want the condensation wiped from every bottle in that cooler. I don't wanna see one single drop of dew, do you understand?

Jason: [stuffs the napkins in his pocket and mumbles under his breath] You'll be sorry when the truth is told. You're the one who doesn't understand.

Jerkemy pulls out a cigar and bites the end off. He spits it on the floor and puts the cigar in his mouth, holding it with his teeth.

Jerkemy: And don't forget to sweep up back here. This place is a mess. Look at all that tobacco on the floor.

Jerkemy lights the cigar with a zippo and then throws the zippo on the floor and walks away. Jason waits til he's out of sight, then grabs a napkin and begins feverishly writing.

END SCENE

Tibbers and Konks - Episode 2

Tibbers and Konks are back. Gabe has finished the artwork on the new comic strip, and it is here for your viewing pleasure. Although I do not receive any official credit on the comic itself(thanks gabe), I did write it, which is clearly the hard part. Apparently Gabe is trying to take full credit, but just know that it takes two brains to produce this much genius.

Once again, click on the image to open it full size in a new tab.

So without further ado, I bring you 'Tibbers and Konks have a date'