Opening Day (A Justification of Greatness)
In my first post, which was only a test, I made a claim which some people, or at least the one person who read it, might've found outrageous. The claim was that this blog will be the greatest blog that has ever lived. First and foremost let me backpedal a bit and admit this isn't true. What I meant to say was that this will be the greatest blog that has ever been written.
Still think that's outrageous? Well then you are clearly not familiar with my talent and my prowess as a writer. With time these things will become obvious to you, but you can get a preview of them from a few of my posts on the Friends of Jason Farbman blog. Keep in mind though that these posts contain only minimal amounts of my skill and effort. I have been holding back for the day when I might have a blog to call my own, and that day is finally here.
Still not convinced? Well that's because you are unaware of the fact that I have a secret weapon in my possession that is going to fill my posts with with stories, anecdotes, and social commentaries that range from hilarious to insightful to heartwarming and back to hilarious. And how could you be aware of this ace I have up my sleeve? You not being aware of it is what makes it a secret!!
But today, on this the opening day here at The Jer-King, I am going to reveal that secret to you, the reader(s?). Brace yourself, here it comes:
I have pocket-sized memo pads that I keep in my pocket and write memos on.
Did I just knock your socks off? Sorry. Put them back on and keep reading.
These memo pads are filled with such things as; thoughts I have throughout the day, stupid things I hear people say and see them do, stories I experience firsthand or steal from unsuspecting saps, and much more!
To give you an idea of the genius of my memo pads, I'm going to pick a page at random and tell you each memo that is written on that page as well as give you a note or two on them.
Memo #1- Stop weaseling out of answering the question "Why do you have such a strained relationship with your postman?".
This is really not something I want to get into here on the blog, and I would appreciate it if everyone would respect my wishes and not bring it up again.
Memo #2- The cashier at the grocery store said "Will that be ate for you sir?"!!!!
This guy was such an idiot! I laughed in his face for a good solid minute. How in the hell could someone be so stupid that they confuse the word "ate" with "it"?!
Unless... he was making a joke about my weight problem and the quantity of food products I was purchasing. That little punk! Who the hell does he think he is?! I am gonna fucking kill him!
Memo #3- Ice Cream is for pussies.
I made this note after finishing off a quart of vanilla chocolate swirl in one sitting. I am using an old japanese technique of conditioning myself to believe that the things I love and enjoy make me weak. This memo is an attempt to 'karate chop' my desire for fatty treats.
Okay, well this might not have been the best page to use to show how much great material my memo pads have in store for this blog, but I said I would choose one at random and I'm a man of my word. At least you can rest assured that this is a blog of integrity.
Well, I'm off to live life so that I can tell you all about it in my next post. Until then, I love you all so very much.
posted by Jerkemy at 3:33 AM
6 Comments:
Seems like everyone came crawling back to the blogosphere, after a dirty affair with that skanky tart MySpace.
Yeah I had her too...But now I'm back to my first love, my blog "The Question."
We all should become a blog group or something. I will look into it.
For now, please note that while there are no questions per se on "The Question" the title refers to the big question of life the universe and everything. We all know the answer is 42...but what is the question? Alas we may never know.
(God what nerds we have become)
Glad you have made your own blog again, instead of festering under the identity of a "Friend of" someone or other. You're you, and whether or not that title is meant to be taken as a joke, it still puts all the focus conveniently on one person...YO! Funk Dat!
So can I have the title "Troubling Paradise" back now that you’re done with it?
It has been an honor to know and work with you. As you embark on your own projects, I wish you the best. We will all miss you hanging around the FOJF offices in your undies, drinking coffee all day and chatting up the interns.
Your first post is most promisingly hilarious and most amusing. All of us here at FOJF look forward to seeing you post regularly.
Jesus matt! Take the title for fuck's sake. God you're such an asshole shit fucking whore face.
(Didn't intend for that to sound so mean)
Wow jason, really nice way to tell me I'm fired, in the comment section of my new pet project. You must've been waiting for this oppurtunity for some time now.
Also matt, we sure are nerds. look at us blogging like a bunch of school girls!
Are school girls known for blogging?
Is a blog ANYTHING but inherently narcissistic? Matt, let's not throw stones about attention-whoring... We should be using these to be better friends, not to squabble like we're on some BBS.
Jerkemy, you were most certainly not fired. We here at FOJF naturally assumed you were moving on to bigger (your enormous shlong) and better (that sweet, sweet ass).
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