Mail-A-Wish

If I could be anybody for a day I would be my mailman, so that I could STOP stealing mail from the Boyd residence and START killing myself. But first I would wipe the smug look off my face, and give myself up to the Feds. I would request an interview with Barbara Walters, in which I would confess that I lied to Jeremy Boyd and told him that the package his family sent him for Christmas, a package filled with cards and presents, never arrived in the mail and must've gotten lost. My sobbing would grow harder as I revealed the true story of stealing the package and taking it home to share with my family, each of us claiming a present for our own as we laughed about the death of Christmas for the Boyd's. I would beg for the world's forgiveness, but my pleadings would be futile and the people would demand swift and strong justice. There desicion to have me executed by lethal injection does not seem like a drastic enough punishment, so instead I bash my head against a concrete wall until I'm set free by the sweet release of death.
That's what I would do if I was my mailman for a day.