I Am Still An Awesome Television Writer
Here is another scene from the my television series that has yet to be picked up. For a little background information on this project, read the "Sitcometry" post, and for another scene from the series read "I Am An Awesome Television Writer".
INT-Grant House, Living Room- Frank Grant is sitting on the couch in his underwear staring at the television. His wife, Sue Grant, walks into the room.
SUE: Remember Frank, my mother is coming today. So please make sure you're wearing pants by the time she gets here.
FRANK(in a fancy fake british accent): But of course. And will her majesty be needing me to wipe her ass as well?
The audience laughs and cheers.
SUE: Frank, my mother's incontinence is nothing to joke about.
The audience laughs even harder.
Lucas, Frank and Sue's son, walks into the room.
LUCAS: Hey mom, hey dad.
SUE: Oh good Lucas, just the person I need to see. Did you clean the spare bedroom like I asked you to?
LUCAS: Yes, mam.
SUE: And did you remember to fluff the pillows?
LUCAS(hesitantly): No. Why would I...
FRANK: Lucas don't talk to back to your mother, just do as your told.
LUCAS(looking defeated): Okay.
Lucas walks out the front door.
SUE: Where the hell is he going?
FRANK: Who knows? I told you that kid is freakin' retarded.
The audience murmurs uncomfortably.
Lucas is suddenly heard screaming outside.
LUCAS: Oh God please somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frank and Sue run to the front door.
FRANK: Lucas, What the hell are you doing???!
LUCAS: I was just (screams in agony) fucking the hippos (screams in agony) like mom told me (screams in agony) to (screams in agony)...
SUE: I didn't say fuck the hippos! I said FLUFF the PILLOWS!
The audience laughs at the boys mistake.
LUCAS: Please (screams in agony) make it (screams in agony) stop!
FRANK: Well son, there's nothing we can really do to help you at this point. It looks like the hippo you chose prefers pitching to catching, so hang in there champ.
SUE: Just try and relax your muscles honey, you'll get used to it.
The audience voices their agreement.
Sue and Frank close the door and walk back to the couch together, laughing.
SUE: Sometimes I don't where that boy gets it from.
FRANK: Well right now he's getting it from a horny hippopotamus. But I'll tell you one thing, watching him in action just then, he did remind me a little bit of his mother.
The audience hoots and whistles.
SUE(seductively): Oh did he?
They look at each other with lust in their eyes. Sue jumps on top of Frank and they begin to kiss and grope feverishly. The lights fade out as faint screams of agony can still be heard from Lucas.
The audience applause is deafening
End Scene.
Hope you enjoyed this scene as much as the last! There will be more to come soon.
INT-Grant House, Living Room- Frank Grant is sitting on the couch in his underwear staring at the television. His wife, Sue Grant, walks into the room.
SUE: Remember Frank, my mother is coming today. So please make sure you're wearing pants by the time she gets here.
FRANK(in a fancy fake british accent): But of course. And will her majesty be needing me to wipe her ass as well?
The audience laughs and cheers.
SUE: Frank, my mother's incontinence is nothing to joke about.
The audience laughs even harder.
Lucas, Frank and Sue's son, walks into the room.
LUCAS: Hey mom, hey dad.
SUE: Oh good Lucas, just the person I need to see. Did you clean the spare bedroom like I asked you to?
LUCAS: Yes, mam.
SUE: And did you remember to fluff the pillows?
LUCAS(hesitantly): No. Why would I...
FRANK: Lucas don't talk to back to your mother, just do as your told.
LUCAS(looking defeated): Okay.
Lucas walks out the front door.
SUE: Where the hell is he going?
FRANK: Who knows? I told you that kid is freakin' retarded.
The audience murmurs uncomfortably.
Lucas is suddenly heard screaming outside.
LUCAS: Oh God please somebody help me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Frank and Sue run to the front door.
FRANK: Lucas, What the hell are you doing???!
LUCAS: I was just (screams in agony) fucking the hippos (screams in agony) like mom told me (screams in agony) to (screams in agony)...
SUE: I didn't say fuck the hippos! I said FLUFF the PILLOWS!
The audience laughs at the boys mistake.
LUCAS: Please (screams in agony) make it (screams in agony) stop!
FRANK: Well son, there's nothing we can really do to help you at this point. It looks like the hippo you chose prefers pitching to catching, so hang in there champ.
SUE: Just try and relax your muscles honey, you'll get used to it.
The audience voices their agreement.
Sue and Frank close the door and walk back to the couch together, laughing.
SUE: Sometimes I don't where that boy gets it from.
FRANK: Well right now he's getting it from a horny hippopotamus. But I'll tell you one thing, watching him in action just then, he did remind me a little bit of his mother.
The audience hoots and whistles.
SUE(seductively): Oh did he?
They look at each other with lust in their eyes. Sue jumps on top of Frank and they begin to kiss and grope feverishly. The lights fade out as faint screams of agony can still be heard from Lucas.
The audience applause is deafening
End Scene.
Hope you enjoyed this scene as much as the last! There will be more to come soon.
posted by Jerkemy at 10:49 PM
10 Comments:
This is so stupid. I don't know who ever told you that you could be a t.v. writer, but you can't. You suck. This is disgusting and lacks any real humor. Don't quit your day job, unless you're an unemployed loser living in mommy and daddy's basement.
my dreams are crushed. maybe i should quit blogging altogether
Thanks al, it's good to know my words aren't lost on everyone
A+
Thanks Shani. I'm not giving up on blogging just yet!
I think anonymous is the kind of guy who is angry cause his girlfiend cheats on him and he didn't get where he hoped to in life. I think that anonymous' response lacks not only a valid or specific point one can learn from, but literary skill in general. Don't worry brother. People like that tend to get fired from the church they work at for molesting little boys. Don't stop now, Jer. You are the Daily Show of blogs!!!
I, personally, think it is brilliant...and pisses off just the right people.
Jerkemy, I think it is critically important that you begin inserting yourself, Adaptation-style, into your scripts. I think it is endlessly amusing that you are so endlessly amused by the thought of the son being mauled by the animals making the parents so horny.
You should have the script call for repeated shots to:
1. Jerkemy, huddled at his keyboard in a small shack somewhere in the freezing cold, with a blanket around him and little fingerless gloves, tittering madly as he types away.
2. Jerkemy, pacing wildly as he attempts to imagine the next post.
Gabe, you are a gentleman and a scholar.
Jason, I already had the idea of putting my creepy self into the scripts, so I can't give you any credit for the idea.
Also jason, you clearly missed the climax of the script if you thought the son was being "mauled" by a hippo. he was being assraped. assrape is what was happening in the end there. the hippo was fucking him in the ass against his will.
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